


you've got me running all around it (and there's nothing i can do)

by andchaos



Series: Blood Sisters [3]
Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: F/F, Fem!Dennis, Fem!Mac, Gender or Sex Swap, Genderbend, Rule 63, a truly incredible amount of self-delusion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-15
Updated: 2018-02-15
Packaged: 2019-03-19 04:54:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13697277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andchaos/pseuds/andchaos
Summary: An abridged list of the things Mac and Dennis are allowed to do, because they’re both women so there’s no way they could actually be into each other. The “no homo” safety net is assumed & guaranteed.





	you've got me running all around it (and there's nothing i can do)

**Author's Note:**

> title from [You're In Love With a Psycho by Kasabian](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kimPUWSwxIs)
> 
> [i'm lesbianfreyja on tumblr](http://lesbianfreyja.tumblr.com/post/170919463080)

I.

The winter air is cold when Mac steps outside her apartment building. She tucks her face into her coat as much as she can, wishing Dennis would hurry up and follow so she can shove her hands back in her pockets and stop holding the door. She’s pretty sure she’s about to lose fingers.

Dennis steps out onto the pavement. She takes one look at Mac and rolls her eyes.

“I knew you’d need this,” she sighs.

She steps closer. Before Mac can even ask what she’s talking about, Dennis unwinds her scarf from around her neck and twirls it around Mac’s instead. She ties it, and puffs it up so it’s covering Mac’s mouth and her cold-tinged cheeks.

“But now you’ll be freezing,” Mac half-protests, although she’s already sinking comfortably into the warmth of the scarf and it comes out muffled against the wool.

Dennis rolls her eyes, stepping away. She pulls a face warmer out of her coat pocket, one of the ones that skiers usually wear, and tugs it down over her head.

“I knew you’d be freezing your ass off as soon as we left the apartment, I _told_ you it was cold out,” Dennis says, an edge to her tone. “I didn’t want to have to listen to you bitch and moan at me the whole way to work.”

“No one told you to send your car in to get fixed on the coldest fucking week of the year, Dennis.”

“It was _broken_ , Mac, what the hell was I supposed to do?”

Mac just looks at her crossly. Dennis rolls her eyes and grabs one of Mac’s arms, hooks her hand through the crook of Mac’s elbow since she’s got her hand shoved in her pocket, and pulls her into a walk.

Mac quickly notices that Dennis’s hands are shaking. She looks down after a few blocks and sees her fingers are bright red from cold, still wrapped around Mac’s arm.

“You didn’t bring gloves?” she asks sharply. “After all the shit you just gave me about being cold?”

Dennis just glares.

“Do you want me to take back my scarf?” she asks. “I could use the extra layer.”

“No!” Mac’s hands fly out of her pockets. She clutches the scarf to her mouth.

Dennis looks smug. Her fingers have gone from red to pale. Mac rolls her eyes at the sight.

“God, give me those,” says Mac exasperatedly, and she takes her hand off of the scarf and wraps it around Dennis’s, the one she had on Mac’s arm. She squeezes, rubs some feeling back into it with her thumb.

“Oh,” says Dennis, eyes widening. “That is better.”

“Jesus, I forgot your gangly hands couldn’t push blood all the way out to your extremities,” says Mac, rolling her eyes. “Your hands are freezing, dude.”

Dennis leans into Mac’s shoulder and squeezes her hand. She says, quirking her eyebrows, “Not anymore.”

Mac laughs. “You’re a loser.”

Dennis leans in and kisses her cheek, quick and teasing. Mac’s face warms, hotter where Dennis’s lips touched.

“My hero,” says Dennis, grinning. “You’re such a good husband.”

Mac tightens her grip on Dennis’s hand.

“Come on, asshole. Let’s get to the bar before you get killed.”

“It’s not _that_ cold, Mac.”

“I meant because I’m going to strangle you,” says Mac.

Dennis just grins and lets Mac pull her along down the sidewalk.

 

II.

Mac is used to the attention Dennis gets, is used to the way she charms her way into extra tips from patrons on the occasional busy night when she has to join Dee behind the bar, how she gets slipped numbers when she’s just doing her usual managerial work or shooting the shit with one of the others. Mac’s not jealous, per se; this non-arrangement they’ve got, this thing where Dennis’s sloppy seconds stay too long at the apartment or hang around too much at the bar and Mac swoops in after them, is working out well for her. It helps her bag better guys than she usually would, and she’s getting laid to boot, so it’s no big deal that Dennis gets so much attention because Mac benefits from it, too.

Mac watches Dennis work sometimes, how her occasional dry spell will spur her to work harder at getting guys than usual. How she lets her curls fly when she flips her hair, laughing too loud at something they’ve said. How she wears low-cut tank tops and no bra, saying she can get away with it because she’s small-breasted, even though Mac knows she mostly just wants the attention. How sometimes she smirks at Mac when she’s flirting with these guys, not in a cruel way, but like Mac is just another name on the long list of people Dennis wants wrapped around her finger.

Dennis excuses herself from flirting shamelessly with the man who Mac is pretty sure only keeps ordering PBR so that Dennis will keep bringing it over to him and he can keep watching the sway of her hips when she walks. Dennis leaves, slips into the bathroom. Mac isn’t sure what impulse is seizing her, but she mumbles an excuse to leave the one-sided conversation Charlie’s having with her and follows Dennis into the ladies’ room.

Dennis is staring in the mirror reapplying mascara when Mac comes in. She flips her a smile in the reflection and then goes back to what she was doing. Mac leans a hip against the sink beside her, crosses her arms.

“Hey. I need a favor.”

Dennis rolls her eyes. “What? You want to take that guy for yourself, don’t you? Absolutely _not_ , I’ve been putting in work all night—”

“Come on, Dennis. It’s been three days since you’ve gotten laid. I haven’t scored in months. Give me this one – that guy’s the only good looking dude in the bar.”

“Nope,” says Dennis, popping her lips around the _P_. She stows away her mascara and starts reapplying her lipstick instead. Mac’s attention snags on the press of the wand against her lip, just for a second. She knew she shouldn’t have bothered coming in here.

“ _Dennis_.”

“Hey, fair is fair, okay?” says Dennis, smacking her lips to even out the lipstick and then turning to poke her index finger into Mac’s chest. “If you think you can beat me out for him, go right ahead and try it.”

The smirk on her face says she doesn’t think Mac can do it. A small fire is kindling in Mac’s chest at the simultaneous slap in the face and challenge in her voice, and she puffs up for a moment before turning and stomping out of the bathroom. She hears Dennis laugh softly behind her.

Mac walks right up to the man, who’s now digging his nails into the label on his beer. Mac bristles; she’s going to have to clean up his scraps later.

“Hey,” she says. “I’m Mac.”

He looks up. “Hey. It’s — it’s Sean. Do you work here?”

“Yep. I’m one of the owners, actually.”

“Cool. Um, well. I guess I’ll have another beer while you’re here—”

“I’m not here to serve you,” Mac says, rolling her eyes. She jerks her thumb over her shoulder toward where Dee is behind the counter. “That’s that loser’s job. I’m just here to talk to you about something. Dennis – you’re interested in Dennis, right?”

“Um…Yeah, I guess — I don’t know, she’s very forward —”

“You guess? It’s a yes or no question, buddy. Okay, okay, listen,” she says, because he’s beginning to look startled and she needs to get this back on track, “The thing is…Dennis and I are kind of a…package deal.”

Sean immediately goes from leaning away from her to leaning in very very close. He smiles. Mac’s brain scrambles, wondering if this is actually going to work. She can get him back to the apartment, lock Dennis out, and win this stupid bet. Fuck Dennis, always thinking she’s better than Mac.

“Really?”

“Well, yeah. If you want her, you have to take me, too. And the other way around.”

“She’s right,” says Dennis, suddenly behind Mac, slipping an arm around her shoulder and pressing in close. Mac’s stomach drops, and she suddenly feels very hot. “Mac and I, we’re just…looking for some fun. You like to have fun, don’t you, Sean?”

“You bet I do,” he says instantly, grinning.

“Great,” says Dennis, her smile easy. “Mac, can I talk to you for a second?”

Mac nods. All words seem to have gotten stuck in her throat somewhere. Dennis holds up a finger to indicate to Sean they’ll be back in a second, then hooks that same finger into one of Mac’s belt loops and pulls her a little ways away.

Mac opens her mouth to explain, to make an excuse, to say _something_. Dennis beats her to it.

“That was genius, dude!” says Dennis, grabbing at Mac’s shoulders and grinning at her. “I have to admit, he was floundering on me a little bit. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to close the deal before we had to shut down for the night, but you — you really pulled through.”

“I was just trying to get myself laid,” Mac says mechanically. “Obviously I was going to take him home and edge you out or something.”

“Who gives a shit?” says Dennis. “This is brilliant. What do guys like more than a hot girl?”

“Um. Cars?”

“No, dumbass,” Dennis sighs, rolling her eyes. When Mac continues to just stare, Dennis throws up her hands and answers her own question: “ _Two_ hot girls! Going at it with each other!”

“Oh, you mean – what are you saying, dude? Do you actually want to, like…go through with this?”

“Of course I do!” says Dennis. “Think about it Mac. Remember when we used to make out to get guys in bed, back when we were in high school? Well, this is even better. We just developed a foolproof plan to get guys into bed. The D.E.N.N.I.S. system is perfect, of course, but God. This is so much less _work_. Just the thought of the two of us together is enough to close the deal. I’m a genius.”

“It was my idea!” says Mac. She’s beginning to reawaken a little inside, her feathers ruffling.

Dennis laughs, clapping her on the shoulder. “I really don’t give a shit. Come on, let’s close up and take this guy home.”

Dennis walks away. There’s a strange wriggling in Mac’s stomach. She swallows around it, but it doesn’t go away.

 

III.

Mac wakes up in a familiar bed that isn’t her own, warm sheets and warm sunlight through the window keeping her naked body from getting too cold even though all the blankets have been stolen by the man on the other end of the bed.

And nestled between them, scrolling through her phone like that’s a totally normal thing to be doing next to your best friend while both of your pussies are still out, is Dennis.

It’s actually not that weird anymore though. They’ve done this so many times, this bringing a guy home to share so Mac can get laid and Dennis can more effortlessly close the deal, that even the sight of Dennis’s naked body stretched out in the bare morning light isn’t enough to startle or unsettle her anymore.

Mac turns over on the bed, her hair brushing Dennis’s shoulder and causing her to turn her head to look down at her. Mac, watching Dennis’s profile, smiles softly when their eyes meet. No, unsettled definitely isn’t what she’s feeling.

“Good morning,” Dennis whispers, mindful of their guest.

“Morning,” says Mac, rubbing at her eyes. “How did you sleep?”

“Like an extremely drunken baby. There was a lot of tequila last night.”

Mac grins. Dennis puts down her phone and shifts further down on the pillows, so that she and Mac are practically nose to nose.

“It was good,” Mac says. “I didn’t know you could do body shots like that.”

“What do you think I was majoring in up at Penn, anyway?” Dennis teases. She reaches out, pushes some of Mac’s hair back behind her ear. Without thinking, Mac grabs her wrist and presses her lips to the sensitive skin of her pulse.

Dennis is watching with soft eyes when Mac looks up. She’s always so loose and easy in the very early morning, before she has to get up and deal with trying to be perfect all the goddamn time, before she hears just one person say something even slightly off-base and loses it. Early-morning Dennis, in contrast, is pliant and gentle, she’s touching Mac’s cheek with soft fingers and leaning down through the last bit of space between them to slot her lips against Mac’s.

Mac strokes her hand through Dennis’s messy hair. She imagines running her fingers through it in the shower later, imagines washing over Dennis’s breasts and between her legs. She imagines kissing her like this under the shower spray, how their sighs would get lost under the sound of their shitty water pressure.

This thing they do, it doesn’t leave the bed, and is strictly allowed only when there’s a man in it with them. Still, for just a second, Mac lets her mind drift, and she pictures it.

God, she bet Dennis looks good in the shower. She looks good when she gets out of it, dripping wet, skin shiny and clean, her hair a cascade down her back and drying in little wavy curls all around her face. Under the steam and water, she’d look downright angelic – and not wearing the towel that she always is when Mac sees her after she washes.

Dennis sucks on Mac’s top lip, bringing her back down to the present. Mac shifts over onto her back and Dennis moves to hover over her, her fingers tapping against Mac’s ribs. Mac slides her hand down Dennis’s side, digs her fingertips into the meat of her thigh to encourage her to slide it over one of Mac’s. She’s not quite on top of her, more lying half on the bed and half on Mac, but it’s warm and comfortable anyway, like being half-covered in a blanket, warm soft limbs all tangled up together.

They kiss slowly, softly. Dennis brushes hair off Mac’s cheeks with gentle fingertips and Mac touches her ribs, the corners of her mouth when they pull back for breath, the spot on her neck where her heart beats a soft tempo against Mac’s hand. Dennis wriggles down the bed, kisses wetly at Mac’s collar bone, placing soft kisses to her chest when Mac groans quietly and arches toward her mouth.

Dennis leans down, her tongue hot and wet on the skin around Mac’s nipple, her lips gentle in the dip between Mac’s breasts. Mac closes her eyes, draws her lip between her teeth. On instinct, she presses her hips up when Dennis wraps her lips around her nipple and bites down, then licks and sucks gently. Her fingers creep delicately up Mac’s inner thigh, stops right before the dip between her legs and rubs circles there with her thumb.

She leans up again to capture Mac’s mouth. In the seconds before their lips meet, Mac opens her eyes to see Dennis’s tender, affectionate gaze on hers. She closes her eyes, pushes her tongue into Dennis’s mouth. Dennis sucks on that, too, reminds Mac of the sensation of that pressure around her breasts. She presses her hand up Dennis’s stomach and touches her back, rolling her tits in her hand. Dennis’s nails dig into her shoulder, gripping hard, encouraging Mac to apply the same pressure back on her chest.

Dennis’s fingers on her leg move up, ghosting close to her clit, touching all around her instead. Mac lets out a startled moan, inhaled quickly between Dennis’s teeth.

The bed beside them shifts. They break apart and turn their heads; Dennis’s breath arches across Mac’s cheek and down her neck, into her ear.

“Don’t stop on my account,” the man beside them says. Apparently he’s been startled awake by them moving about. Mac’s stomach sours.

He reaches out toward them, strokes over Dennis’s back. Mac abruptly isn’t into it anymore; she shifts Dennis off her lap and ignores the way Dennis moves toward the man instead.

“I’m going to take a shower,” Mac announces, sitting up and swinging her legs off the bed.

“I—” Dennis starts, but she’s interrupted by the man kissing her.

Mac looks away. She doesn’t think about what Dennis was just about to say, and she goes to shower alone.

 

IV.

The nights that the whole gang comes over for movie night are fun, but Mac hates it when it’s Frank’s turn to pick. He’s got such a weird fucking taste in movies; at least Charlie picks shit like Fight Club, where there’s plenty of action. Frank picked Milk for tonight, although Mac is under the distinct impression that Frank thought it was about MLK and not a gay rights activist.

She and Dennis are wrapped up in the same blanket, squeezed together into the corner of the couch so Dee can fit in next to them. Dennis seems comfortable cooped up next to the armrest, her own arm thrown out around Mac’s shoulders, Mac leaning slightly into her side. She just would rather be closer to Dennis than Dee, is all, and anyway, the blanket isn’t very big.

Mac hasn’t been paying attention to the movie. She’s drifting off instead, in part because Dennis is stroking her fingers through her hair over and over again, and it’s very soothing. The other reason is that 70s dramas are boring as shit.

Mac leans back on the couch. Dennis’s fingers catch a smaller strand of hair by Mac’s neck and start to twirl. Mac touches Dennis’s other hand and Dennis, smiling, lets Mac sleepily start playing with Dennis’s fingers. She always makes fun of Dennis for them being too long, but they’re smooth and soft too, nice to run her fingertips along. Mac traces an indistinct shape into Dennis’s palm and only looks up when she becomes suddenly aware of Dennis watching her. Her eyes are soft, though. She twines her fingers through Mac’s and rubs her thumb against the join in Mac’s own, and her heart calms.

The lazy affection coupled with the thick blanket is making it hard to stay awake. Dennis isn’t very comfortable to fall asleep on – Mac knows that for a fact – so she slumps down further into the couch cushions and doesn’t even pretend to be trying to stay awake as she closes her eyes.

Mac blinks awake sometime later, the fuzzy noises of the TV the only sound in the now-dark apartment. No one else is around, save for Dennis, who’s cradling Mac’s head on her lap and drinking a beer, scrolling through her phone. When Mac shifts, Dennis looks down at her and grins.

“Well hello there, Sleeping Beauty,” she says. She sweeps stray hair off of Mac’s forehead. “Did you have a nice nap? Was your pillow comfortable enough?”

Mac pushes herself up so she’s sitting, rubbing at her eyes with her other hand. Her eyeliner is fucked now, but she doesn’t care. It’s just her and Dennis.

“How long was I out? Did the gang go home?”

Dennis takes another long drink of her beer, and Mac watches the long line of her throat move as she swallows it. She stretches her arm out along the back of the couch again, her hand dangling near Mac’s shoulder.

“They left an hour ago, man. I would have woken you up, but I was comfortable.”

“Sorry I stole all the blanket.”

Dennis’s smile is loose and easy. Mac wonders how many beers she’s had.

“That’s alright. You’re very warm,” she says.

Mac swallows. She reaches out in the dark and finds another beer on the table, and she’s about to crack it open when Dennis’s fingers close around her wrist.

“Hold up, that’s my last beer.”

Her voice is pitched low, no malice nor aggression in it at all. Mac really can’t measure her mood right now, and it’s making her heart beat a little faster.

“I don’t see your name on it,” says Mac.

“You’ll see its name on my credit card bill,” says Dennis, mouth turning up slightly at the corners.

“That’s never stopped me before,” says Mac. She doesn’t know why she’s being so quiet either, there’s no one else here. The darkness just seems to encourage it.

“I guess not,” says Dennis, dipping her head. She finally drops her hand. “How about we split it?”

Mac’s heart is beating in her throat now. “We could shotgun?”

“Why?”

Mac shrugs. “Why not?”

Dennis pauses. “Okay.”

They look at each other for a long moment in the dark. Mac swallows again and jerkily gets up, moves into the kitchen so she can find something to puncture the bottom of the beer can. She finds a corkscrew they use for the occasional glass of wine and turns to find Dennis has appeared, silent as a ghost, in the doorway behind her. She’s standing with her arms crossed, her expression unreadable, and her eyes on Mac’s face.

“You can go first,” Mac says.

Dennis takes the beer and corkscrew that Mac hands her, their fingers brushing, seemingly electric when they touch. Dennis stabs the beer and quickly brings it up to her lips. She chugs, and Mac can’t help but stare at the stray drops dripping down her chin and the way Dennis shifts and moves like she can feel Mac’s eyes boring into her, even in the dark, like she’s showing off her throat on purpose. When the beer is about halfway through, Mac moves toward her and snatches it from her hands, aware now of Dennis looking at _her_ when she seals her mouth over the puncture hole and starts to drink. There’s wetness there that doesn’t taste like beer, and a hot anchor drops into Mac’s stomach at the thought of Dennis’s lips touching right where hers now do. Her mind trails and snags on that old thought of Dennis in the shower, mouth on her skin.

When the can is finished, Mac crushes it in her fist and throws it into the sink. She looks up and Dennis has moved closer. She reaches one hand out and drags her finger across Mac’s chin, wiping off the beer that spilled there. Mac just watches, and Dennis brings that finger up to her mouth and sucks it clean. Dennis watches her watch her and they don’t say anything, just stand inches apart in the dark kitchen.

At last, Dennis steps away. Mac feels like she can breathe again as soon as there’s some distance, and she braces herself against the counter, wondering why she feels so winded. Dennis says nothing, still looking lazy and with a dark, thrilled little smile on her face.

“I’m going to bed,” Mac says abruptly. She pushes past Dennis and heads for her room, ignoring the softly uttered “goodnight” that follows her.

After she’s stripped down to her panties and thrown on a comfortable shirt, Mac lays down on her bed and looks up at the dark ceiling, thinking. She lays awake for a long time, no concrete thought in her head but her mind playing a long reel of her and Dennis and the little touches they share as they go about their day. The hands on each other’s backs as they walk. Brushing hair from each other’s cheeks. Arms around shoulders, excited hugs in the bar. She falls asleep and it’s to the ghost of Dennis’s fingers on her face, of Dennis’s spit in her mouth, of her name on Dennis’s tongue.

Women are close, though. Mac is lucky, she thinks, that it’s so natural to be so close. It’s something she learned in high school – best friends hold hands, they cuddle, they kiss on the cheek and sometimes on the lips, too, if it gets them what they want. As long as they don’t actually _mean_ it, it’s okay.

And Mac doesn’t mean it. The thought of _meaning it_ makes her stomach pinch together, it makes her feel nauseous and hot, like she might have a panic attack at any moment. Being with men is easy; the thought of being with Dennis makes her entire body flush hot and guilty. It’s how she knows she doesn’t _mean it_ , how she knows she never could.

But she thinks about her mouth, sometimes. She thinks about her body. But it’s natural to think about other women that way, too; she's meant to look at Victoria’s Secret magazines and look at how other women dress, how they wear their hair, how they kiss. Just because Dennis is who she does most of her thinking about – all that means is that she and Dennis are close, that she’s with her every hour of the goddamn day, so she doesn’t have a deep bench to be spreading her attention around.

Mac doesn’t mean it. So this thing she has with Dennis, it’s nothing out of the ordinary at all.

 


End file.
